Finally pregnant! You expected to be overjoyed by now. But the opposite is true. What if you are not as excited as you thought you would be about your pregnancy?
Two blue lines ago, your life was just your life. Now the pregnancy test says you are pregnant. At last! You have waited a long time for this. There is a lot on your mind, but you don't feel the warmth an joy you expected. You hardly dare to think it, let alone say it. Yet the feeling inside you becomes stronger and stronger. You are not happy.
People congratulate you on your pregnancy, but you feel nothing. Is this normal, should you feel ashamed? Yes, this is normal. In fact, you are not alone in this! Many women experience these feelings, at the beginning and later during their pregnancy. Yet we mainly hear the positive stories about all joy pregnancy brings you. Because of this, it seems to be taboo to talk about this otherwise. Pregnant women therefore can feel alone and sometimes even guilty or ungrateful. This is a pity and, above all, completely unnecessary!
Why am I not excited about my pregnancy?
Being pregnant and having a baby bring big changes with them. Your body changes and your emotions are everywhere. This can be overwhelming. Below, we'll explain how each aspect works.
Hormones regulate a lot of things in your body. They ensure that the conditions are ideal for the baby in your belly. Unfortunately, hormones are often less ideal for your emotional state. They can confuse you. They can also cause you to feel angry easily or to burst out crying suddenly. This can cause you to have unexpected thoughts and questions. Do I want a baby? Can I be a good mother? Is this the right time? No sweat. These thoughts are very unpleasant, but don't worry: they don't make you ungrateful, and they don't make you a bad mother either...
You don't have a big belly, can't feel the baby kicking and are not in the mood to shop for baby clothes. Sometimes you just don't feel it yet. Especially in the beginning, it may be that your pregnancy is not yet "alive" in you and that it feels unreal. Not so strange, because a positive test may be the only thing you have experienced so far. Or maybe you do feel pregnant but you need to get used to the idea and your new situation. Being pregnant and having a baby is a big deal. Fortunately, you have nine months to slowly grow into it. The fact that your enthusiasm is still a long way off is nothing to worry about. An overwhelming responsibility Having a baby means that you will soon have a little creature that is 100% dependent on you. This is a huge task. You will have to keep a little person alive! More than that, you will also have to make sure he or she thrives. This idea can be overwhelming and scary. You may feel insecure or afraid of getting it wrong. Isn't this baby better off with someone else? Fortunately, babies are designed to survive their parents' inexperienced bumbling. But please don't hang your baby out of a window like Micheal Jackson. A different life Having a baby means that you can no longer stay up late at night (except to make bottles or breastfeed your child), go out spontaneously with friends or sleep in. You may also have to rearrange your finances (bye, bye new shoes). You suddenly realise that you have to give up a lot of your old life and this is a change you don't always feel like making. But comfort yourself: you need to do something for yourself now and later on! With a bit of planning this can often be (partially) done after you have recovered from the first few months. Welcome guilt free mommy time! Physical ailments One thing that makes being pregnant less fun is the ailments. From nausea and bloating in the first trimester to feeling like you're falling apart with pelvic instability in the final weeks. And sex with all those hard bellies?
No thanks. Sometimes your ailments can be manageable, but they can also be so bad that they can ruin your pregnancy and make you want to give up. It is frustrating when your head wants something but your body does not cooperate. External changes also play a part, that larger cup size is still nice, but trouser size Big Brother? Oh no. Especially in our society, where women are always portrayed as beautiful dolls, you can quickly feel so fat, and then those stretch marks and cellulite... If you feel ugly, then your pregnancy glow is quickly lost. Thinking about your relationship and your own parents When you become a mother, your role in your relationship changes, as does that of your partner. Suddenly, under the influence of hormones, you may react differently than normal, which can make small issues in your relationship bigger. Especially if these issues remain unresolved. You may wonder whether you made the right choice in choosing your partner as the father of your child. You can also look at how your relationship with your own parents is or was. What have you learned from your upbringing that you absolutely do not want to pass on to your child, and can you break through these patterns? Heavy subjects to lie awake over, if you did not do so already because of that full bladder and that rattling against your intestines.
Don't let it get you down
Do these thoughts and feelings bother you? Then talk to someone about them. You will see that you will get support from the people around you. A good cry can really help, it clears the air and your tears take toxins out of your body, which is a blessing in disguise. Does someone react judgmentally to what you tell them? That says more about the ignorance of that person than about you (Tip: let them read this article). If you have the feeling that there is more to it or you can't work it out? Then seek professional help.
Accept your feelings
Last but not least. Even though these feelings are anything but pleasant, they are only there right now. Often we worry about negative feelings, which only upsets us more. A trick is to just let your feelings be. Do not try to change it or push it away with all your might. So take a few slow breaths and let what is happening happen. This takes effort in the beginning, but if you keep practising it, it will get better and better to find it okay to not be okay. Everything passes, so this feeling too will pass and something else will take its place. Who knows even happiness, and growing love for your little one. Nausea now that you are pregnant? Here are the causes and what you can do about it!
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