This week was the start of indicating my own limits, because it is physically necessary. It is very strange to still want to do everything mentally, but your body is clearly indicating that it is time to do tranquillo.
The first day of week 21, we had planned a nice joined Easter brunch with my husband's family. We had a quiet start and were to leave at noon by car for Belgium - 40 minutes away. I was a co-driver in the front seat and was not responsible for anything except the music. In my mind, this should be easy and nothing could go wrong on this quiet day.
Physically, this turned out to be a very different story. After only ten minutes, at the first pit stop at the petrol station, I was already crying in the car. My pelvis hurt from sitting and I could not find a good posture to reduce the pain. We continued the car journey, had a nice brunch and drove back home at the end of the afternoon.
I probably don't have to explain to you that my evening was less than fun, since getting out of that car doesn't immediately make things better. Still, it was a good learning point for myself; the work appointment that I would have this week in Amsterdam (about 2.5 hours drive from Limburg) was not a good idea. Being a co-driver for a 40-minute drive was already too much of a good thing, let alone having to drive a 2.5-hour drive twice myself. And then came the moment that, disappointed by my own limitations, I cancelled my appointment.
You have all kinds of expectations of your pregnancy, how it should be in week 21. This is the second trimester, so: 'you should enjoy it', 'it is the best time of your pregnancy', 'you probably won't notice many physical problems at the moment' and 'luckily your belly is not that big yet'.
At the moment, there are lots of taboo-breaking posts, interviews and women telling the truth about the things they didn't like about their pregnancy. Still, you find that you are quickly afraid that you are being too negative and that people think you are a bore - also in this diary where I describe yet another less than happy week.
But I will also try to break taboos; the moment someone 'whines' or 'breaks a taboo', there are probably -a lot of- unpleasant moments preceding it. This does not disappear just like that and it often causes you a lot of discomfort for a longer period of time. You may talk about this more often and it may take some time to come to terms with the fact that your pregnancy is not going as planned. This week is all about that, I have been resting a lot and trying to feel and respect my limits more and more.
There will be more fun weeks too, like picking out the baby's room and decorating it. I want to start looking at that next week. But one step at a time, this week was all about rest and boundaries :-)
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